Gleecap: “Sectionals”

“Okay, I’m just gonna come out and say it.  This is a SINGING competition.  I don’t know how those deaf kids got in. They weren’t singing, they were, like, HONKING.  And everybody was crying. and I was, like, ‘Get off the stage, you’re terrible, and you’re making me super uncomfortable.’”

- Candace Dystra, 5th Runner Up, Miss Ohio 2006 and Sectionals Judge

“Sectionals” opens with everyone worrying that Finn will find out Quinn’s big secret (aka – Puck is the baby daddy).  Seems once Mercedes found out (from Puck), she promptly told everyone, except Rachel.  Now everyone’s trying to keep Rachel from finding out, so that she won’t tell Finn, who’ll flip.  Which will, like, totally jeopardize their chances at Sectionals.

Emma announces to Will that she’s pushing back her wedding a few hours so that she can escort the kids to Sectionals.  (See last week’s Gleecap if you’re confused as to why Mr. Shue can’t take them himself.)  Will hands the kids off to her with a sort of awkward goodbye (he informs them that they have to determine the set list on their own … WTF?  Hasn’t the set list been determined by now?  Isn’t Sectionals in, like, a week?)  Rachel and Mercedes argue over who gets to sing a ballad, Mercedes shows what she can do by singing her head off, everyone loves it, and Rachel agrees she should get the gig.

A major bomb is dropped only a quarter of the way into the show when – RACHEL TELLS FINN THAT PUCK’S THE BABY DADDY.  I think I missed something along the line because I didn’t see that coming… did Rachel put two and two together?

Finn goes ballistic, wails on Puck in the choir room, tells Quinn he’s through with her and with the entire glee club for that matter.  Ouch. Puck tells Quinn he wants to be with her and do all he can to be a good father.  Quinn tells him she can’t handle any more stress in her life and says she wants to go it alone.  Double ouch.

Fast forward to Sectionals.  The McKinley High kids are slated to go last, which they tell themselves means good things.  But those hopes are dashed as they see the first act – the Jane Adams Academy (aka Juvi) girls, who have ripped off all of their songs, down to “Rollin’ on the River” in wheelchairs.  Same goes for the deaf kids – they sing “Don’t Stop Believin’” and there’s no denying it: Sue Sylvester leaked the set list to both schools.  Emma calls Shue, distraught  (“Artie’s ramming himself into the wall!”) and he immediately goes after Sue, tearing into her for selling out the kids.  She blows him off, telling him he has no proof.

Their backs to the wall, the glee kids huddle.  They piece together a new set list … but they need one more song, something they can all sing together.  Just at that moment, who should show up but Finn, who says he found a little something and made copies of the sheet music for everyone.  We’re left to wonder what it is.

Finally, the curtain goes up and it’s New Directions’ turn to show what they’ve got.  Rachel sings a spine-tingling version of “Don’t Rain on My Parade”.  Then they do the piece de resistance: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” (aka Finn’s choice).  Stunning.  Stellar.  I can’t even think of better adjectives.  Let’s just say they rocked it.

We cut to the judges’ room, which offers perhaps the most hysterical 90 seconds of prime time entertainment I’ve seen.  The judges consist of Candace Dystra, 5^th Runner Up, Miss Ohio 2006; Rod Remington, Co-Anchor, WOHN-TV; Donna Landries, Ohio Vice Comptroller (aka “State Paid Cynic”).  I wouldn’t do it justice to repeat the quotes here, but let’s just say … hilarrrrrious!  (Then again, if you never grew up in Ohio like me, or even any part of the Midwest, you might not appreciate any of it.)

The rest of the show is a blur, but pretty exciting nonetheless.  Sue Sylvester gets suspended from coaching the Cheerios – heck, suspended from school, period! – by Principal Figgins, who calls the Sectionals judges and explains the whole mucked-up situation, immediately reinstating Will as Glee club coach.  Emma’s wedding is cancelled – Ken dumped her, knowing that she’s always been true blue for Shue.  Will leaves Terri (halleluiah!!) and the Glee kids welcome him back with an inspiring version of “My Life Would Suck Without You.”

The last thing we see before Glee says goodbye until Spring?  (wait for it…)

Will runs down the hall, intercepts Emma as she’s packing her bags to leave school for good …. and kisses her.

Until next April, Gleeks!