Gleecap: “Mattress”

“Hold onto your hats … and get ready to sell… SOME MATTRESSES!”

- Rachel

Sue Sylvester is back, with dark circles under her eyes from pre-yearbook photo plastic surgery (“I had them take out my tear ducts while they were in there”).  She tells Mr. Shue that she’s convinced Principal Figgins that the school can save money by omitting the Glee kids’ photos in the McKinley High School yearbook, The Thunderclap.

Outraged, Shue and Rachel fight the decision (to the dismay of the rest of the Gleeks, who would just as well keep their anonymity, based on Kurt’s diligent research documenting years and years of vandalized yearbook photos and bullying).  Mr. Shue ponies up the money to pay for a 1/4 page ad to be used for a Glee club photo.   Problem is, there’s only enough space for two head shots, so he declares that there will be two “Glee Captains” to represent the rest of the club.  Rachel, the only one who lives for Yearbook Picture Day, becomes Glee Club Captain by unanimous vote, and no one wants to join her.  So, Mr. Shue enlists her to find a co-captain.  She sweet talks Finn into joining her, but he ultimately blows her off after some serious hazing from fellow football players.

Rachel convinces the Glee clubbers that by scoring fame, they can put an end to years of yearbook abuse, landing the Gleeks a gig in a local mattress warehouse commercial.  They do a highly entertaining version of “Jump” while bouncing around on all the mattresses, which makes the plump mattress warehouse owner happy.

Sue records a glorious editorial for the local news affiliate: “Am I asking for too much, Ohio Board of Statewide Holiday Planning?  All I want is just one day a year where I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.  Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off.  So here’s the dream: Friday after Xmas, which I have off, if you’re hideous, stay home.  Spend the entire day watching home videos of a time when you weren’t too repulsive for me to look at.  And that’s how Sue C’s it.”

In a shocking development, Will finds out about Terri’s pregnancy scam and the proverbial shizit hits the fan.  They’re pretty much over, which will surely be a relief to Glee watchers everywhere.

Sue catches a glimpse of the Glee club’s mattress commercial and calls for the Gleeks to be disqualified from sectionals, citing rules that say receiving payment for a performance consistutes non-amateur status.  Since the kids were paid in mattresses – literally – Principal Figgins agrees that they broke the rules and Glee’s pretty much over, too.

Quinn blackmails Sue into letting her join the Cheerios for their yearbook photo, because she wants her future children to be proud of her (“Not the bastard one I’m carrying now, of course, but the ones I’ll have when I’m married and ready.”)  After listening to Sue’s verbal insults, Quinn realizes she fits in better with the Gleeks, decides not to get her photo taken with the Cheerios after all, and demands that Sue give up one of the Cheerios’ six designated photo pages in the Thunderclap. The result: the Glee kids get to have a yearbook photo taken, together, and this time, everyone’s excited about it.

Because Will slept on one of the mattresses, rendering them un-returnable, he takes the blame, accepting the banishment from Glee club and encouraging the kids to go on to sectionals without him.  Everyone’s a consequently little melancholy for Thunderclap Picture Day, which proves to be a fitting foreshadowing: the episode ends as we watch all the jocks defacing the 2009 Glee Club photo.