And the Winners Are…
There’s only so much Glee-related status-updating you can do on the other six days of the week. In light of this, I’ve decided to kill the time by expounding on that staple of American high school life: senior superlatives. After some thought, and some bending of the rules, I’m pleased to present my my own hybrid: Gleeperlatives.
Most Likely to Succeed – Kurt
Kurt has everything going for him: flawless skin, the ability to pull devastating one-liners out of his pocket like numchuks, a refreshingly strong relationship with his dad, a wardrobe to die for, and a sincere if sometimes shaky commitment to live life with no pretenses. Nobody says it better than Kurt when he announces in Episode 2, “One day you will all work for me.”
Most Undderrated – Artie
There’s really nothing negative to say about Artie, except that he’s not on the show half as much as he should be. Artie is delightfully, unabashedly geeky — almost daring people to ostracize him (to that end, the wheelchair adds an extra layer of protection). I’m rooting for good things to happen to Artie this season. Entirely plausible: Artie runs for class president, pulls a Pedro and wins in a landslide, becoming the hippest kid in the school.
Most Overrated – Finn
OK, I get it: Finn’s the cool kid who’s made even cooler because, sigh, deep down, he’s just a softie. He risks social suicide by joining the glee club, and, despite his ambivalence for Quinn, he commits himself fully to the role of Baby Daddy when she tells him she’s knocked up. But, you know, he’s also kinda jerky (ie, all the BS he’s pulled on Rachel, namely, the kiss she’s supposed to forget, his using bedroom eyes to lure her back to glee club so that he can get a scholarship, etc.) and VERY oafy (“Did you know you could just borrow books from [the library]?”). I’d like see less of him in the weeks ahead, although I doubt this is possible.
Most Likely to Run for Public Office – Quinn
This is an easy one. Quinn is: camera-ready, conniving, and a hypocrite whose only objective is looking out for the proverbial Number One. Add in the fact that she will likely give up her baby to Terri Schuester in return for an expectedly Large Lump of Cash, and you have the makings for a resume tailor-made for modern American politics.
Biggest Burnout – Rachel
You’re reading this and thinking, Whaa? Well, let me clarify. I meant in the future. This walking only child stereotype is SO not the type to experiment with enhancements of the herbal or chemical variety. But think about it: she’s a veritable powder keg of insecurities. She’s clearly not sure of who she is (see: the celibacy club episode), she has problems making decisions (hence her back-and-forth in and out of the glee club), and then there’s stress, the STRESS that she’s always complaining about. I predict that in 20 years, after having suffered a major meltdown, Rachel will be tracked down in a commune in New Mexico, spending most of her time crocheting hemp hoodies.
Most Mysterious – Puck
It would appear that Puck’s biggest bombshell of a secret has been made clear to the viewer: he’s the father of Quinn’s baby. But I’m unconvinced. If my hunches are right, stay tuned for more earth shattering revelations about the Mohawk Hunk in the weeks ahead. I personally would like to see the writers having Puck receive word about a mysterious sibling he never knew he had (and bringing in another excellent guest star of the Kristen Chenoweth variety).
Most Athletic – Mercedes
Mercedes’ unexpected athleticism shines in its full glory in the Acafellas episode, where she explodes in a passion-filled rage upon learning that her feelings for Kurt are unreciprocated (aka the understatement of the year).
